The Hardest Part.

Yesterday, I kept my dad company as we drove out to the cemetary to complete the details for my Grandma's 'celebration of life' on Sunday. It all seemed too surreal, walking through the parking lot, down the empty, beige hallways, to a little office where we sat down to organize our tribute to her life. I stared blankly at the wall--I felt a tear roll down my cheek, 'Was this really it?'. I noticed the kleenex lingering in arms reach--it was already preplaced on the table convienently in front of us. The problem was I didn't have the nerve to take one. I sat there, bit my lip and stayed strong--after all, I knew in my heart that the only tears Grams would want us to shed would be of the happy kind. She reached the gates of heaven and was welcomed by God--she returned home and was reunited with the love of her life--Grandpa.

...On Sunday--I will kneel by her coffin, place a letter in her hand, a picture by her side and my love in her heart...

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Can you believe summer is almost over?

Can you believe that I only have fourteen days left before I go back to university?

It really hasn't hit me yet. Keyword--yet.

Lately, I have been so busy that I haven't noticed the days fly by. When I got home from university--I was happy to be home, I was so relieved that finals were done and I could 'take a breather'. I would spend the days working landscaping and the nights (despite my exhaustion), I'd spend catching up with old friends. We'd talk about our experiences in our eight months apart--what we did or didn't do, said or didn't say, what we wished we would have done different and at the end of the day it felt like we hadn't spent a moment apart. The days passed and time slowed down as I strugged with my knee injury. I went from running everyday training for endurance running to not being able to get myself out of bed. This was beyond belief frustrating. I went from being so busy I could barely move at the end of the day (which is what I like), to being so bored because I was no longer allowed to be so busy anymore. Time once again passed and I got back into the routine of life, I started to recover and I began to miss university. I missed living on my own--everything about it, I just loved the responsibility of taking care of myself completely. I missed biking everywhere from campus, the grocery store and friends houses to the mall, rez and the river valley. I missed my friends, the house I lived in, biking in two feet of snow (or trying to)--I missed late night cramming sessions and bible study at Steep's Teahouse. I felt I was ready to go back about a month ago, but honestly I couldn't have been more wrong. I look around here at home and as much as I love having the responsibility of being on my own (which my mom won't let me have here because she doesn't want me to be independant), as soon as I go back I'll miss my family. I'll miss my friends here--the old ones and the new. I'll miss late night bonfires, girls nights out, trips to Melrose, card games on the trampoline, walks through the park and midnight visits.

...But most of all--more than anything, I'll miss that smile...