Tired of this.

As I type this entry, I ponder where I should begin--or what I should say. I dare not step out of line, I dare not say anything that is not socially accepted--therefore I must contemplate my options, choosing my words ever so carefully.

Ever feel that you're not measuring up? Ever wonder why you try so hard?

Have you ever felt so proud of yourself only to have it all taken away in the blink of an eye. An individuals reaction can kill our sense of self worth just as easily as an insult to our character can.

What we think may be great--could be another man's 'less than par'.

The feeling of pride when we've found that something 'great' can easily be lost for our greatness never measures up. I try so hard to push forward and all I feel is moving backwards..

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing forward in a backwards game...or vice versa.

I'm frustrated, yes--I admit it. I am frustrated. How do I feel? This is where the choosing of my words must come in oh so cleverly--I must choose them so I feel as if I have suffiently cleared my mind and my chest while making it not obvious to any reader what I am going through. Tough? Very much so.

I have run this race for nineteen years--falling, tripping, crying, getting bruised, battered and at some points--broken. Being the nature of a race, it is a competition--we can compete against those we love...even our family and friends. Now by stating competition as my choice word, I do not mean, 'I secretley wish they'd trip and fall'--rather I mean, that without meaning to you grow up faster, and leave them in the dust.

That's all I have to say.